How to give condolences
The phrases, the visits, and what not to say.
Condolences in Arabic are heavily formulaic, and that is a feature, not a limitation. Set phrases give the bereaved a frame to receive grief without having to manufacture conversation, and they give the visitor a script when no script in their own language fits. Improvisation is rarely an improvement.
The core phrases
The most common is al-baqaa' lillaah البقاء لله ("permanence belongs to God") — the implicit thought is that no one but God endures. It is said on first hearing of a death and at the funeral.
Stronger and more formal: ʿaZZama llaahu ajrak عظّم الله أجرك ("may God magnify your reward"). This is the standard MSA condolence. The reply is ajrunaa wa ajrukum ("our reward and yours") or simply shukran.
Common in dialect: al-baqiyya fii Hayaatak البقية في حياتك ("the remainder [of years] is in your life") — the idea being that the years the deceased did not live are added to yours. The reply is Hayaatak al-baaqya ("yours are the remaining years") or Hayaatak / Hayaatik.
For the deceased: allaah yarHamuhu الله يرحمه (m.) / allaah yarHamhaa (f.) — "may God have mercy on him/her." This is added after mentioning the deceased's name and is appropriate for anyone, regardless of how well you knew them.
Egyptian: allaah yiʿawweDak الله يعوّضك ("may God recompense you").
The funeral and the visit
Muslim funerals happen quickly — usually the same day, occasionally the next. The body is washed, shrouded, and buried after the funeral prayer (Salaat al-janaaza). Burial is in the ground, without a coffin in most traditional practice (a wooden bier carries the body to the grave; the body is placed on its right side facing Mecca).
What follows is the ʿazaa' عزاء — the condolence reception. This is held at the family home, at a mosque, at a Christian church, or at a rented hall. Mourners arrive over the next three days, often more. Coffee (typically unsweetened, served from large pots) and dates are offered. Conversation is muted. The bereaved sit and receive visitors who sit briefly, offer condolences, and then leave to make space for the next arrivals.
The forty-day mark (al-arbaʿiin) is a recognized point — many families hold a smaller commemorative gathering, more in some communities than others. It is not a strict religious requirement in Sunni practice but is widely observed. Christian Arab traditions also recognize a forty-day mark. Some Shia and Coptic communities mark the anniversary at one year as well.
Christian condolences
Christian Arabs use most of the same phrases. al-baqaa' lillaah and al-baqiyya fii Hayaatak are standard across communities. Specifically Christian additions: raaHat ʿan rabbaa ("she has gone to her Lord"), al-rabb yiʿazziikum ("the Lord console you"), and references to the resurrection. At a Christian funeral the prayers are different but the social form of the ʿazaa' is similar.
What not to say
Several English-speaking habits do not transfer.
Do not say "I know how you feel." Even if you have lost someone yourself, the convention is not to draw the comparison. The bereaved are not interested in your loss in this moment, and the comparison can read as redirecting attention.
Do not try to cheer them up. No "they had a good long life," no "at least they didn't suffer," no "they're in a better place" delivered cheerfully. The convention is to acknowledge loss, not to soften it. The set phrases do the work.
Do not ask how the person died unless the family volunteers it. Especially in cases of accident, suicide, or violence, this is intrusive. Wait for them to bring it up.
Do not skip the visit thinking you don't want to intrude. Visiting is the point. A short visit — twenty minutes, the right phrases, coffee, leaving — is correct. Showing up matters more than what you say.
Do not bring flowers to a Muslim ʿazaa' as a default. Some families accept them, especially in more cosmopolitan contexts; many do not. Food brought to the house (for the family or for visitors) is more universally welcome. Donating to a charity in the deceased's name is appropriate and increasingly common.